she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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