We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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