I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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