I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
