That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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