so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How naked do you want me to be?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
