I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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