There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
