I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
