Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
dude. I can hear the air.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
