so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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