last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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