Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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