I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dicks are not precious.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
