guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
