u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
