Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
