I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
