its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
