Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
