i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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