im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
