I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
