whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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