Sry I called you an 8
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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