I got her a Nickelback box set.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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