no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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