Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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