Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
