Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
