u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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