if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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