I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
