there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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