I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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