grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
