Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
