Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
