Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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