I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't put those talents on a resume
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I did not marry a roomba.
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