come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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