Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
