this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
