Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
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Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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