when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
