sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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