before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
