He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My bed smells like the plague
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
