# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
