The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
