who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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