Jerry, you need to find god
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
