I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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