Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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