I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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