Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
