i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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