i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
