I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
