yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
