my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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