I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
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I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
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Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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