I didn't shave. On purpose
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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