I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
