wanna go halves on a baby?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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