Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently you make a good broom.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize