Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
