If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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