so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.