That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.