i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.